Weight of the Dawn
by Elais
Summary: Willow needs Spike's help, and goes where no man or woman has gone before. Set after events of 'The Gift'


Weight of the Dawn

Willow sat on at the table in the Magic Shop reading another magic book. Giles and Anya were getting the shop closed early as they were going to have a meeting pretty soon. Dawn was going to a sleepover with one of her friends and argued with Giles for a long time to get his approval. 

Xander would be getting off from work at the construction site and Tara had her Wicca Group. Willow would have been there too, but the group primarily talked about the Wiccan history and philosophy and rarely focused on doing spells. Not that Willow was against that, but she felt she needed to focus on the 'practical' magic.

It was only a few weeks after Buffy's death. Giles gave the Watchers Council an account of the final battle with the knights and Glory and the death of Buffy. 

The Watchers' Council immediately sent some people to cover up the fact that Buffy was dead. The Watchers' Council handled the secret burial arrangements of Buffy and managed to prevent the news of Buffy's death from being known. It was not the first time that the Council was 'between slayers'. They ensured that the demon and vampire world believed that there will always be a slayer at all times. It was they who convinced Giles to stay and that the Buffybot would substitute for the slayer until they could work out something with

their only remaining slayer, Faith, who was still doing time in prison.

Willow leafed through the book a little longer before closing the book with a sigh. Things hadn't been going very well since Buffy died. The gang took turns patrolling but it proved to be very difficult if not impossible to be as good as Buffy in dusting vampires and almost impossible to kill the odd demon. 

Willow managed to fix the Buffybot after its head was knocked off by Glory. She even managed to improve its fighting program with the help of Giles, after getting rid of the 'special' programs Spike had requested for the bot. Willow shuddered at some of the things Spike had the Buffybot do. Still, the bot wasn't working out as well as they hoped. While the Buffybot did quite well with killing vampires, it often got damaged. Willow was afraid that that one day the damage will be beyond her limited skills to repair and there was no chance of getting a replacement bot. They activated the bot only rarely and only then to keep the slayer in the minds of the vampire/demon community.

Giles' attempted to train Xander, but Xander wasn't proving to be a particularly apt student. Anya and Xander were engaged to be married and Anya constantly worried and complained about Xander being on patrol. She didn't want Xander to get hurt or get killed.

Strong as Willow was with magic, she was frustrated by the fact there were so few spells that could be used in the heat of battle. Most spells took time, words and ingredients in order to work properly. The spells she used against Glory, while effective, was also a one-time thing. They took so much out of her that she couldn't 'reload' to do another one. She tried moving objects with her mind, but she need Tara a lot of the times and they had to be in physical contact for it to work. 

Willow glanced upwards at the 'dangerous' section of the Magic Shop. She knew, even felt that the 'darkest' magic books contained spells that would work much better. But she, Giles and Tara got into a big fight over them. They were appalled that she used the book and went after Glory after she mind-sucked Tara. Even Willow was forced to admit that she was wrong and had to promise not to use the darkest magic books again.

Willow had an idea and but it might not go over well with the others. It was, however, the only thing she could come up with to improve their patrolling efforts. Willow heard the door open and turned around to see Xander come in, his denim Shirt and pants still dusty from the construction job. As he walked in he gave Anya a little kiss on the cheek and said,

"Hi honey, I'm home! Not exactly home, but we're here more often than at our real home, and this place does has that homey feel to it. So I'm home!"

Willow smiled, Anya shook her head and Giles just rolled his eyes. Willow smiled even wider when the love of her gay life crept into the store just behind Xander. Willow got up, walked over to her and wrapped her arms around Tara's waist and gave her a deep kiss. Willow released Tara and looked at her, Tara ducked her head shyly and rewarded Willow with a tiny smile. 

Anya frowned and said, "Why don't you kiss me like that, Xander?" 

"We'll practice the kissing when we go home, babe" Xander whispered in her ear.

Willow walked to Giles who was heading towards the basement with some inventory in a box that needed to be stored there. 

"Giles, can I talk to you? Alone I mean?", Willow said, following Giles down the steps and sitting on the bottom tread.

"Of c-course," said Giles, who put the box down and then sat next to Giles.

Willow wasn't sure about this, but she knew she had to try. She thought Giles would have the most objections to Spike. Xander hated Spike more, but she thought he would follow Giles'. Willow drew a nervous breath and said, "Would it be okay if I tried to get Spike to help us? I mean, with the slaying and stuff?" 

Giles removed his glasses. Instead of polishing them, he simply held them in his hand while he laid his arm on his knee. He didn't look directly at Willow, but said with a heavy sigh, "Unfortunately, I'm forced to agree".

"R-Really?" Willow said in a surprised voice. "I thought you would be against it?"

"I'm not entirely obtuse, Willow. I know things haven't been going well. Xander is nowhere near the level I would like him to be. I've also talked to the Council. They have slayers-in-waiting, so to speak, but they are needed more elsewhere so cannot spare any. Much as I hate to admit it, Spike would be a great help, though I fear a reluctant one. I'm wary of you attempting to approach him, as he may not be in the best of shape", Giles said in an ironic tone. "Are you sure you can reach him?"

"I don't know, but I know I have to try. We can't go on much longer like this, we could all be hurt eventually, but with Spike, we have a much better chance."

Giles put his glasses back on, grabbed Willow's hand and kissed her on her temple. "You have my blessing". 

Willow was filled with dread as she approached Willy's bar. However, this was the most likely place to find Spike. Willow took a deep breath and tried to appear confident and non-chalant as she entered the bar. At first she couldn't see anything, as her eyes adjusted, she saw that it was too bad. It was just after nightfall and there were only sprinkling of vampires and demons. They glanced at the Willow, but resumed their drinking or conversation. Willow was a little surprised that they weren't more interested. After all, she was human. She approached the bar carefully and sat on the bar stool.

The bartender sidled up to her after pouring a beer for a Fyarl demon at the other end of the bar. He was short and dark, but very well muscled. He seemed to have a vague menancing demon-like air about him which probably helped keep things from getting to rowdy in the bar.

Wiping the spot in front of Willow with a cloth, he asked politely "What will it be?" 

"Um, nothing really, I-I'm looking for a vampire name Spike. Have you seen him around?" Willow asked nervously, hoping that demons couldn't smell fear.

"What do you want with him?", he said, suddenly becoming very still.

"I just want to talk to him. I kinda know him and I need to see him." Willow said, with a slight squeak to her voice.

The bartender relaxed, "Well, if you know him, perhaps you can help me get him out of here."

"You need MY help?", Willow asked, surprised, "Why?"

"He's in the back room which is our dance area. He came in here a couple of hours ago and went back there. He's been playing the same song over and over again on the jukebox and knocking down whisky like there was no tomorrow. I'd bounce him out of here, but he gets really nasty when I suggest he leave. He isn't bothering the other customers and I don't go looking for trouble here. I appreciate it if you could get him to leave."

"I-I'll see what I can do" Willow said, with surprise still in her voice. 

The bartender pointed her towards the far side of the bar where there was a doorway into another room. He followed her from behind the bar and stopped to talk to the Fyarl demon. Willow slowly stepped into the other room.

It was a fairly open room. There was raised landing directly across from her, probably for a band. A few tiny tables and chairs were scattered around near the walls of the room. There was a jukebox immediately to the right of the landing and hear music coming from it. She also saw a black-clad Spike slumped over the jukebox. As she crossed the dance floor, she saw several bottles of whisky on a nearby table and saw another one dangling from his hand.

Willow jumped when the hand holding the whisky bottle suddenly moved. the figure straightened up and the pale hand brought the bottle up to his face and the head jerked back a little as Spike took a long swallow which emptied the bottle. He moved back a little and threw the bottle to the floor, smashing it. 

"Spike?" Willow said, keeping a bit of distance from him just in case.

Spike spun around and said in a slurred voice "Red?" He shook his head as if dizzy and slumped to the floor, his back against the jukebox.

Spike was in the worse shape she's ever seen him. He looked worse than that time Spike kidnapped her and Xander, but she felt none of fear and danger. She stepped closer and bent down on one knee. She saw that Spike was way past drunk and could barely focus on her. She wondered if it would be easier or harder to get Spike's help. But he could help in the shape he was now. 

Willow got up and went back and spoke to the bartender and asked if she could get a hand in getting Spike back to the crypt. To her shock, the bartender said the Fyarl demon would be glad to help. Fortunately, there wasn't a lot of people around. It would have been a strange sight. An enormous Fyarl demon with a body thrown over his shoulder following a young woman. When they got to Spike's crypt, she pointed to the chair. The Fyarl demon dumped Spike on it and with a little bow, left the crypt.

Willow drew up a chair and sat facing Spike. Spike was still conscious, but he was mumbling to himself. His normally slicked back hair was a mess and his clothes weren't in any better shape. Willow hadn't seen him since he took off after collapsing in tears seeing Buffy's body. They gang were kinda relieved not to see Spike anymore, as his 'love' for Buffy and his presence at Buffy's request made them all uncomfortable.

They never gave much thought as to how Spike would react to Buffy's death and Willow could see that it affected him badly. Maybe, Spike did really love her. But if Spike was going to be in this kind of state, he would be useless. Willow needed to snap him out of it. 

Unfortunately, Willow knew of only one way to do that. She did it with Buffy to get her out of her catatonia, and she was afraid she would have to the same thing with Spike. Steeling herself, she started focusing her mind. She wouldn't need the candles this time. 

She found herself standing in Spike's crypt. Spike was there ripping his shirt off before Buffy and demanding that Buffy kill him. She almost felt sick when Spike and Buffy kissed and started going down on the floor. Everything around her shimmered and changed and she got random flashes of Spike standing outside Buffy's house, stealing her clothes, talking to the manniquin kneeling before the Buffy shrine. Willow never realized how deep Spike's obsession for Buffy went. She also was shocked by the brief sight of a beaten and bloody Spike in Glory's apartment.

Now she was standing in the doorway of Buffy's house. She saw Buffy on the stairs and Spike over by the weapons box. She saw and heard Spike promise to protect Dawn as well as thanking Buffy for treating him like a man. She watched Buffy go upstairs and approached Spike who was waiting at the foot of the stairs.

"I wondered how come she brought you along when we fled from Glory".

Spike turned around and looked at Willow without surprise. "Can't help it. Can't get her out of my sodding mind. I do anything for her and little bit. Even helped the little bit with bringing back her mum. But she's gone, what's the bleeding point. Can't feed, can't kill, can't have her and it's all my fault" 

"You're fault?" Willow asked, "Why your fault?".

Willow suddenly found herself back at the tower. She saw before her Spike and the strange old little man. Turning around she also saw Dawn in a ceremonial gown and with her hands tied. She looked on as Spike attacked the old man. The old man was quick and stabbed Spike. She saw the look of guilt and horror on Spike's face before the man threw Spike off the tower.

Willow never knew what happened on the tower. Spike thought that if he could have stopped the old man, then Dawn would have never been cut, opening the portal. And Buffy would have never jumped from the tower, closing the portal with her death.

Now Willow found herself at the bottom of the tower. Fresh waves of grief came over her as she saw Buffy on the ground. She looked over at herself being held up by Tara and then over at Spike huddled on the ground, hands over his eyes, crying. She knew must be reliving this moment over and over again. 

She walked over to Spike and knelt down to him.

Spike looked up with pain-ridden blue eyes at Willow and said in a choked voice,

Spike said "Can't stop remembering, I keep drinking and drinking, but I can't stop remembering"

Willow said in a soft voice, "Then remember Dawn. Look, there she is, Dawn is still alive. She is still here. Remember your promise to Buffy."

Spike slowly stood up, looking over and seeing the tear-stained face of Dawn. He haltingly said "Remember my promise to Buffy. Protect Dawn." Continuing to look at Dawn, he said in a stronger voice "Protect Dawn".

Willow woke with a start. She was a little disoriented, but quickly realized she was back in the real world and still sitting in front of Spike in his chair. She stretched a little, exhausted wondering how long she was in Spike's mind, when she saw sunlight creeping under the door to the crypt. It was morning already and she had been up all night. She better get back home before the others started getting really worried about her.

She stood up and bent close to Spike. It looked like Spike was asleep. He moved around a little bit and mumbled again. Willow tried to make out the words and thought she heard Spike say, "Remember Dawn". She smiled and thought Spike should be okay now. She come back later tonight and somehow she knew that she would be able to count on Spike. Even if he still wouldn't help, she thought she might be able to twist is arm a little with what she saw. 

It would be our little secret, she thought as she walked out of the crypt. Things will get a little better now, but seeing Buffy again, even in Spike's dream, brought all the pain of Buffy's death back. Who knows where she is, Willow thought, she might be in someplace terrible. Willow remembered a spell in a book she read, and a glimmer of an idea formed in her head, filling her with hope and dread. Spike needed Buffy back, she needed her back. 


End file.
